ROADTRIP!
by KentouKurige
Summary: Fic No. ? of the ALONG CAME A SPIDER timeline... the boys are forced to relocate by car again, and things can't possibly get any worse... Complete story, first posted of an incomplete series. Mild yaoihints, and random silliness.
1. Not another roadtrip!

_Shouri: Heya guys! Okay, this is going to be a part of a mini-series I'm writing that I think I might call **Along Came A Spider** ..._ _hopefully you guys like. This particular story will have a couple of short chapters, and the plot is based on a true story, like most of the fics I will be writing into the timeline of this mini-series. Unfortunately, this is very slightly out of order. There will be at least one fic that precedes this one in the timeline, so there will be references to previous occurances that are fairly self-explanatory, but that will make more sense once the prequel is up. Don't worry though, I think it can stand alone pretty well. It shouldn't take me too long to get it out, so try to be patient, 'kay? Enjoy!_

_'blah' thought  
"blah"speaking  
"BLAH"screaming etc..._

**ROADTRIP! **

**Chapter1**

Heero stared at his monitor with something like dread on his blank features. He had just spent nearly five minutes running an intricate series of decoding programs over his latest data drop in his email from J. And this was simply… horrifying.

**From: J-Kami _ at_ scientist. org**

**To: H-Wing _at_ rampage. com**

**Subject: Breach**

**The security at your latest safe house may have been compromised. You and you teammates will relocate to E94-7WK immediately. DO NOT RETRIEVE YOUR GUNDAMS! I will be expecting to hear from you within 12 hours. Take civilian transport. Tardiness will not be tolerated, so do NOT let G's little hellion delay the departure.**

**J**

It was horrible… it was degrading… it was shocking. J had just sentenced him to another… _road trip_! With MAXWELL! With an almost imperceptible shudder, Heero rises and stalks out of the room into the hall, and turns the corner into the living room.

Surprisingly, Quatre and Trowa are the only ones present, causing Heero to expel the breath he had been unconsciously holding. Trowa looks at him with his one visible eyebrow quirked, his attention stolen from the program he had been watching with the blonde.

"We've been compromised. J orders us to pack up and relocate to the bayou boat by 0923." Heero intones emotionlessly. Quatre looks up with a faint frown.

"Really? Oh dear… how on earth am I supposed to get Sandrock transport ready on such short notice? I'm afraid I've left his booster system in pieces, trying to get it functioning again…" The blonde frets, starting to get up. Heero grunts.

"The Gundams are secure. We are to relocate pilots only, via civilian automobile." The Japanese pilot grunts. Immediately Quatre freezes and Trowa's eyes widen.

"Oh NO! Not again!" The Arabian wails, looking close to tears. Heero nods in confirmation, and Trowa makes a soft noise. Quatre leaps across the room towards the hallway.

"I will NOT let this be a repeat of last time! I absolutely refuse!" Quatre yelps as he dashes for his room.

"Quatre, mon ami, what exactly…" Trowa starts, only to be uncharacteristically interrupted.

"I will be driving! I claim it first, so there!" The blond yelps childishly. Both Heero and Trowa go still in shock.

Just then, the door opens and Duo comes charging in, holding what appears to be a very familiar, very battered sheath. He is giggling most disturbingly and both of the laconic pilots step swiftly and instinctively out of his way as he dashes across the room and shoves said item under the couch. Then with a pleased smile, he bounces towards the kitchen.

"Hey guys! Are there any leftovers from dinner?" He chirps. Heero grunts.

"No. Go pack." Heero half-glares, and then as an afterthought states calmly to Trowa. "He's sitting on your lap this time." Trowa looks as close to shock as he ever has. Duo skids to a halt and tilts his head inquisitively.

"Pack? Lap?" He murmurs.

"We may have been discovered, J has ordered us to relocate." Heero intones. Duo's eyes widen and a grin splits his face.

"Relocate? You mean we're going on a road trip! YAHOO!" Duo whoops as he dashes for his room, nearly colliding with an irate Wufei as the sweaty pilot stomps into the house, his katana gripped in one hand.

"MAX-well…" Wufei starts at a shout, and then trails off as Duo merely slips around him. He watches him head down the hall with increasing discomfort, before looking at the other three questioningly. Trowa is sending Quatre pleading looks which the blonde is uncharacteristically ignoring. Heero is scowling vaguely, but is relatively relaxed as he meets Wufei's gaze. Wufei scrunches his eyebrows. Heero grunts and waves vaguely at the couch.

"What on Earth is Maxwell so… peppy about?" Wufei growls as he stalks over and retrieves his sheath.

"Relocation. _Road trip_." Heero intones, imbuing his last words with an almost Duo-like inflection of eagerness. Wufei nearly knocks over the coffee table.

"I'll drive!" He says in a choked voice.

"NO! I'm driving! I called it, so nyer!" Quatre sticks out his tongue, before smirking in a disturbingly evil way. Wufei stares blankly.

"But…" Wufei starts, his face pleading. Heero grabs his arm and hauls him up.

"Forget it Chang. You're sitting in back with me." Heero intones. Wufei looks at him with relief blooming across his face.

"You? Not Maxwell?... Acceptable. I shall go bring the car around front." And with that, Wufei rises, his sword still firmly in hand, and stalks back out of the house.

Behind him, Quatre is cackling in a disturbing way as the Arabian tosses various random items from the kitchen into a box.

_Shouri: So... what do ya think? bats eyelashes I hope you were mildly amused. It should get better as the the fic goes on. Tell me what you think! I would like some input! Tankiwa! Ja!_


	2. Somehow this will be worse, , ,

_Shouri: Heya! I forgot to put up a disclaimer! Bad Shouri! Bad! In case anyone thinks otherwise, I do NOT own Gundam Wing! Anywho, here's chapter 2... sorry these are so short, but I'm getting them done moderately fast. Hope you guys are enjoying. Let me now what you think!_

**ROADTRIP!**

**Chapter 2 **

"MAXWELL! WE NEED TO LEAVE **NOW!**" Wufei bellows crankily as he shifts around in the back seat. Heero glares at him when he accidentally elbows him in the ribs.

"Chang, sit still or I _will_ force you to sit on my lap… I don't **_care_** if you think it is unmanly." Heero grunts, trying not to pay attention to the front seat. He too shifts, trying to get the box taking up the seat on his other side to stop pressing into his hip. Wufei scowls at him darkly, and shoves mightily at the huge stack of duffle bags that are pressed into his side, trying to get even an inch more space.

Heero ponders vaguely why this seating arrangement is more acceptable than one of them sitting on the other's lap… they are already pressed so tightly together that Heero can't feel his left leg, and their backs are twisted to fit the two of them into such a small space. They might as well be spooning, for all the distance between them. Trowa gives Heero a resigned look that is not at all sympathetic. After all, being confined to a foot wide space with Wufei, even if the Chinese pilot is being particularly fidgety and cranky, is preferable to being Duo's lap cushion any day.

In the driver's seat, Quatre is fussily fiddling with the chair positioning, muttering the whole time, and giggling in a rather disturbing fashion at odd intervals. With a final snicker and a gleam of manic desperation in his eye, Quatre ignites the engine. The ancient, ochre-colored Toyota, a classic Camry that is just beat up enough to be inconspicuous even if it is a rebuilt relic, chatters to life.

"DU-O! I'm leaving!" Quatre singsongs, and instantly the braided pilot comes slamming out of the front door and barreling down the creaky front steps and charging the car like a grinning bull.

"Sorry! I was making sure we got everything!" Duo chirps, opening the door on Wufei's side to shove two more overstuffed duffels into the cramped space, an action that shoves Wufei even more firmly into Heero, causing the two to end up chest to chest. Wufei blushes bright red, and immediately starts ranting at Duo in Mandarin… which all the other pilots ignore.

With a bright smile, Duo leaps over the front of the car, sliding on his back over the dingy hood and wiping way years worth of grime. A streak of patchy, but crisp red paint becomes visible, giving away the vehicle's true color, while leaving a thorough coating of road dust across the entirety of Duo's back and seat. Trowa groans almost silently.

"Alright, all set!" Duo laughs as he opens Trowa's door and plops down callously on the taller boy's lap, sending all of Trowa's air out in a breathy whuff. Verdant eyes widen momentarily as Trowa discretely tries to get his breath back. Duo is wriggling almost painfully in his lap.

Finally, Duo settles down after making himself 'comfy' on Trowa's poor abused lap. With a slam, he close the door, and tucks his feet up on the dashboard, his faded and battered black knapsack held possessively to his chest. Quatre eyes the bag warily as he eases the car into drive and swings it around over the rock-packed driveway. Somehow, he didn't think this ride was going to be any better than the last one… somehow; he get's the feeling it's going to be _much_ worse...

_Shouri: Well? What'd you think? I know it's not all that amusing yet, but it will get there! The trul_y _funny stuff happens a little bit in the future! Please review! I wanna know if you like, and I now accept anonymous reviews thanks to a heads-up from Katt Kindel, who informed me my settings wouldn't allow them! Tankiwa! Ja ne!_


	3. A Gundam pilot afraid of spiders?

_Shouri: Here's chapter three, and this is where I think it starts getting really funny! BTW! Thanks to my friends Kei and Sai, for the background material for this fic! And Sai! I hope that infestation of spider's is finally out of your car! Love ya! Enjoy guys!_

**ROADTRIP!  
**

**Chapter 3**

Quatre grips the steering wheel tightly and prays fervently under his breath, shoulders hunched up around his ears in tension as he drives. To his right, Duo is shifting restlessly. Frequently. In fact, he is moving to a new position exactly every 3.8 seconds. Precisely. It's almost like he has it _timed_. **_Heero _**certainly has, after all! And it is driving Quatre crazy!

Well… it's not just Duo's inability to sit still that is overwhelming the usually peaceful Arabian's sanity. No, not entirely. Rather, it is the faint whimper of pain, or the winded gasp that occurs just after the shift happens, courtesy of his stoic partner. It is the soft click as Heero… **_HEERO FOR ALLAH'S SAKE!_**... repeatedly depresses the stopwatch's buttons to record the time between each shift, and the grouchy muttering in Mandarin that is occurring from somewhere behind his head. It is the crinkle of plastic bags within Duo's knapsack, an ever increasing number of empty, crinkly bags that get louder as he relieves more of their brethren of their snack contents, and the squeal of rubber against glass as the toes of Duo's sneakers scuff across the windshield.

And the conversations! If you could call it that at all, since they seem to have timed this as well! In fact, if he hasn't lost count…

"I'm bored!" Duo whines. Trowa lets out a soft sigh, possibly one of exasperation, but more likely one of relief, since Duo's comment has necessitated a brief halt in the torturous _shifting_.

"We are all bored, Maxwell. Deal with it." Wufei growls in a very irritated voice. Quatre perks up. He sounds different than the last 13 times this has happened. Instead of indifferent, he sounds vaguely pissed. Quatre can see Duo pout out of the corner of his eye.

"But I'm **_bored! _**Are we almost there yet?" Duo practically wails, making Trowa wince at the volume.

"Hn." Heero grunts "We are not almost there yet. There is approximately 6.2 hours remaining until we reach our target destination."

"But that's so long!" Duo mourns. Quatre winces, as everything once more falls silent. Well, as silent as is possible, for exactly 3.8 seconds. Then Duo twists sideways in Trowa's lap at precisely the same instant as Heero clicks the stopwatch, shoes thunking on the dashboard. Trowa lets out a wheeze, his emerald eyes crossing, and Wufei curses softly under his breath before returning to his monotonous grumbling.

'Here we go again… 257 'shifts' till the encore performance, Allah save me…' Quatre whimpers desperately as he merges onto another highway… now that he thinks of it… all that chanting Wufei is doing reminds him suspiciously of a prayer…

'Allah, please just let us survive this trip… thank heaven this cannot get any worse!' Quatre thinks loudly, throwing a quick glance upward in entreaty as he smiles weakly.

His smile quickly dies on his lips, and his cerulean eyes widen in horror. A strangled noise escapes his throat and he throws himself backwards into his seat back, arms stretched out to the maximum to maintain his hold on the steering wheel while the rest of him tries to get as far away as possible.

"Q?" Duo asks, breaking the cycle so suddenly that the other boys have to pause to let the change sink in. Quatre whimpers again, a strangled keening noise.

Descending with all the sinister intent of Hell's most devious demon, a spider crawls eerily down the windshield, inching its way closer and closer to Quatre's white knuckles.

"Oh! Look at the little spider!" Duo laughs. Behind him, Quatre hears an odd choking noise, but is too busy staring at the eight-legged fiend approaching his skin to identify who made the noise.

"Duo… get rid of it!" Quatre wheezes, pale in face and trembling. Duo looks at him and blinks his wide cobalt eyes in surprise.

"You're not afraid of a little spider, are you?" Duo wheedles teasingly. Then he stops and blinks again as he takes in Quatre's frantic nodding.

"You are! Heck! How can a notorious Gundam-pilot be afraid of a teeny-tiny spider!" Duo laughs. Quatre glances at him quick enough to offer a rather intimidating glare, before once more locking eyes on the menace.

Still laughing, Duo scoops up a napkin, drops his feet down to the floor on either side of Trowa's, and leans over, crushing the tiny arachnid against the glass, and scooping up its remains into the tissue. Quatre relaxes with an audible sigh, and for a second everything is peaceful and still.

But slowly… ever so slowly… an evil smirk spreads across Duo's face, and he twists so that he is sitting sideways in Trowa's lap, facing the driver's seat. Wufei twitches in the back seat when he catches sight of the look on Duo's face, and opens his mouth to offer a warning. Trowa, whose entire field of vision is taken up by Duo's profile, only has time for his eyes to widen, before Duo acts.

"Look, Q! The evil little spider is all gooey!" Duo laughs, shoving the napkin under Quatre's unsuspecting nose. Quatre jerks as if someone had prodded him with a cattle-rod. A desperate squeal escapes his throat, and his hands tighten convulsively, swinging the car in a weaving motion that causes Wufei and Heero to collide with muffled curses, and Trowa to yelp as Duo grabs his shoulder with his free hand and accidentally kicks him in the shin, trying to keep his balance.

"DUO! GET IT AWAY!" Quatre shrieks, car still weaving dangerously.

"WINNER! STOP SWERVING!" Wufei bellows. "Thank Nataku this highway is so empty right now!" Heero merely grunts, but the sound is covered up by Duo's mischievous cackling.

"But look Quatre! It's just a little spider! It can't hurt you, it's already dead!" Duo laughs, pressing the napkin close to Quatre's face once more, and making the blonde shriek and jerk more violently.

"DUO! THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW ALREADY!" Quatre cries wildly, trying to straighten out the car's trajectory. With a mild snarl, Heero wriggles loose from his space between Wufei's hip and the boxes on his right, and lunges forward between the front seats, hiding a wince as his left leg tingles, informing him of the fact that it has suffered from poor circulation for the last four hours. Quick as a striking cobra, his hand snatches Duo's wrist, and plucks the napkin from his fingers, crumpling the edges over the mushy corpse and crushing it into his fist.

"Pull over, Quatre." Heero monotones at the driver, hand still gripping Duo's wrist tightly. Duo looks at him with wide eyes, and smiles a somewhat nervous smile, trying to placate him.

His breathing slowly slowing, Quatre complies with Heero's order, wondering weakly what his comrade is planning.

_Shouri: Well? What do ya think? Review please! Tankiwa!_


	4. Could this ride get any longer?

_Shouri: Here ya go! Chapter 4! Yish, I'm cranking them out, aren't I? They aren't very long, but this is much closer to my old writing speed than anything I have been accomplishing lately... Anywho, I hope you enjoy, as we all know I don't own GW, or else I'd be rich and making more of the series 'cause it's to darn short! Read on, peoples, I hope you like!_

**ROADTRIP!**

**Chapter 4**

It turns out that Heero didn't plan on murdering their American comrade, as Quatre had worried. Nor did he plan to remove his braid in punishment, as Wufei had suggested in a half-serious manner.

In fact, all Heero did was drag Duo into the backseat, crushing a protesting Wufei as he forcibly maneuvered the second pilot into position using a grip on his braid near the base of his neck.

Then, ignoring Wufei's vehement protests and Duo's whining, he had awkwardly climbed into the front seat and deposited himself into a very relieved Trowa's lap. The tall pilot's face visibly displayed his emotions as the somewhat heavier, but much more composed, pilot replaced Duo in his lap.

For Heero's part, he sets himself on the lanky teen's thighs, angled towards Quatre with his legs to one side, and with his body a comfortable distance from Trowa's chest and much abused stomach. Trowa sighs in relief at the thought of no longer having bony shoulders pressing into his chest and interfering with his breathing.

In the back, Wufei is growling and cursing in approximately 7 different languages that Quatre can positively identify, and several others that he isn't so sure about. Duo is whining at him as he twists and shoves, trying to get comfortable with Wufei refusing to let either of them sit in the other's lap.

Unsure if he should be relieved or even more nervous, Quatre slowly inches back out onto the road and resumes driving down the long barren highway. Almost immediately he perks up, as the incessant shift, squeak, gasp combination is no longer present. With a sigh, Quatre relaxes for the first time in several hours.

…

"Maxwell, stop wiggling!"

"But I'm uncomfortable!"

"And you think I'm not! Stop being weak and sit still!"

"I can't Wufei, I'm uncomfortable!"

"Maxwell! Whining about it fixes nothing!"

A short pause in the voices. Stillness for a few moments, and then a loud thump as Duo kicks the back of Quatre's chair as he twists violently in his seat.

"DUO!" Wufei yelps, before letting out a long string of curses.

"Sorry, Wufei!" Duo chirps, and everything falls quiet for a few more moments.

"Duo, stop touching me!" Wufei hisses.

"I can't help it, Wu! There's no room back here!"

"Maxwell, I do not mean stop leaning against me, I mean stop touching me!" Wufei half-shouts and Quatre can see his face burning in the rearview mirror. Heero turns his head and grunts.

"Duo, remove your hand from Chang's crotch." Heero says without emotion or inflection. Wufei glares at him. Duo merely smiles an oh-so-innocent smile and lifts the offending appendage.

"Oh that! Sorry Wufei!" Duo chirps, before looking out the window and ignoring Wufei's glare. Quatre grits his teeth.

'Allah, could this ride get any longer?' He mourns mentally, before once again attempting to concentrate on the road.

_Shouri: Hey guys... I hope you realize that regardless of the fact that I seem to be cranking out this entire fic without any feedback... which I am, by the way... I would still like reviews. They encourage me, and they help me become stronger as a writer. And if I get stronger as a writer, I may be able to throw something bigger at that darn dam thats blocking me from writing Demon's In Our Midst... So please review! It will be much appreciated!_

_Tankiwa! Ja ne! _


	5. STOP ACTING LIKE TWOYEAROLDS!

_Shouri: Heyla minna! Here's chapter five! Yes, I know, it's very very short... but I just couldn't make it any longer, and I couldn't find a better place to cut it off... please forgive! _

_Guys... please review! Even if I finish this entire story before you ever read it, at least give me an overall rating review, or a way to improve my writings... yish, even a favorite/least favorite parts review... at the end of the entire fic! I really would appreciate it, and it will help me to improve, and to be motivated to write more! Thank you!_

_Enjoy! _

**ROADTRIP!**

**Chapter 5**

Nearly four hours later, Quatre is sure he is going to break his teeth with the force behind the clench of his jaw.

'Only two and a half more hours… oh Allah, only two and a half more hours!' Quatre prays. Even with the half hour stop to wrestle Duo into the back, they should still make it to the safe house with twenty minutes to spare for their contact with the doctors.

"Maxwell, I am going to kill you!"

"Aw, but Wu… what'd I do?"

"That's it! I'm going to strangle you with your own braid!"

"ACK! Heero, help! Wufei is trying to maul me!"

"Cut it out you two." Heero states in a tired monotone, not even glancing into the back seat where Duo has managed to pin Wufei, despite the fact that Wufei has a strong grip on three feet of braided brown hair, and is slowly succeeding in wrapping it around Duo's throat.

There is a short period of scuffling, a gag as Wufei manages to put pressure on Duo's Adam's apple, and a wheezy curse as Duo digs a knee into Wufei's groin. Then the duffle bags behind Quatre's chair suddenly slide into his headrest, jolting his entire seat.

"THAT'S IT!" With a high-pitched shout, Quatre slams on the brakes and whips around in his seat, eyes gleaming in a particularly familiar, not-quite-sane way.

"You two are professional terrorists, currently two of the five biggest threats to the Earth sphere Alliance, and two of the deadliest individuals in existence! Now will you PLEASE stop acting like TWO-YEAR-OLDS!" Quatre shrieks, starting to hyperventilate. Duo looks at him with his face slack, and Wufei's eyes widen slightly, before both of them shift silently back into their original positions and look in opposite directions.

Breathing hard, Quatre turns about and resumes driving.

'Thank God for the fact that no one uses this road anymore… the way this trip is going we would have been involved in at least two accidents by now, and the instigator of three times that many… not the best actions to preserve our cover…' Heero thinks tiredly, calmly stretching his right leg out and pulling his left leg back in to take some of his weight off of Trowa's thighs, a procedure he has been repeating approximately ever thirty minutes since he took up the position on the taller boy's lap.

'Finally! Quiet!' Quatre muses, a faint smile creeping across his face as the long stretch of peaceful silence stretches on for a minute, and then five, and then for a whole quarter of an hour!

'Maybe I will survive this trip after all…'

_Shouri: Heh heh... Quatre went Zero... oh, and in case anybody didn't realize this... Wufei and Duo really weren't seriously trying to kill each other, otherwise there would have been a lot more blood and violence... and prolly death. So in their own, soldier-y, repressed way, they were wrestling. You know, playing with each other! They were just mock fighting so no one could **accuse** them of playing! From the way I see it, Duo and Wufei don't annoy each other nearly as much as most authors make it out they do. The series hinted at the fact that Wufei and Duo at least respect each other, and that while they probably do have differences of opinion and misunderstandings, they are not at each others throats. Go read my "**How Do You Tell**" fic, it's totally unrelated to this series, but it gives one of MY versions of how Duo and Wufei's relationship could be interpreted, while still keeping in close contact to the behaviors they exhibit in other fics where authors employ stereotypical, fan-produced behaviors for their relationships. _

_ Bluff and bluster. _

_Anywho, I hope you enjoyed! Please review! Tankiwa! Ja!_


	6. I must have a concussion, , ,

_Shouri: Here's the last chapter for this story! The series is far from over, but all that's left for this particular tale is the epilogue! I hope you guys really enjoyed this story! Let me know what you think! Read on!_

**ROADTRIP!**

**Chapter 6**

Quatre is humming cheerily. After an hour of silence, his grim mood has been much improved, and it shows in his brilliant smile and bright tune. His voice is amazingly soothing. Both occupants of the front seat have closed their eyes to doze in the late afternoon sunlight. It's nearly 7:30, and the sun is very low on the horizon, glowing with the vibrant, fiery orange of a midsummer sunset. The light is angling in through the passenger side of the car, and Quatre is actually quite grateful for the shadow Heero is throwing, as it is keeping the light out of his eyes.

Unfortunately, there is no shadow to shield the rest of the car, and the light is glittering brightly off of the windshield and the red streak of clean hood. Quatre squints as he drives, having only a little trouble with the glare.

Still, he is glad for the reprieve almost twenty minutes later when the sun finally dips behind the horizon, leaving his vision clear of all gleams, and adjusting quickly to the dimmer light of twilight shadows.

Grateful, that is, until he notices what the light had been concealing from him with its mighty glow.

With a shriek that wouldn't have been out of place in a parlor of women who had just seen a mouse, Quatre slams back into his seat once more, feet clumsily toeing at the pedals from too far away to be useful and just close enough to do harm. His white-knuckled hands buck against the steering wheel and the car swerves, jerking as his toes alternately catch the brake and gas.

"Quatre!" Duo yelps. Wufei lets out a high, tenor cry that could be likened to a scream... though no one will tell him that of course... as the car careens off of the road and starts rattling across the ruts of a field, plowing down long stalks of vegetation as it goes.

"Quatre, mon ami! Slow down!" Trowa calls, his voice loud and clear as it always is in a crisis. Quatre, still panicking, tries to reach the brake, but is too distracted.

Sitting at just above eye level on the windshield, is another spider. This one, however, is about three times the size of the last one… which, it might be noted, still isn't very big, considering how teeny-weenie-tiny the last one was… and it is staring at him with glittering black eyes, tiny legs moving thoughtfully as if it is contemplating when to leap at him.

"GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Quatre shrills, his flailing toes hitting the gas once more and sending the whole car, plus its contents, into a lurch. A box tumbles over onto Duo as the braided boy leans forward to see what has frightened the Arabian. Duffle bags bounce into the front and across the back. One tumbles over Quatre's head and then deflects into Heero's face, causing Quatre to spin them in a rough turn, nearly capsizing them into a ditch.

Duo, who had seen the tiny speck despite the jostling and the falling luggage… there's something to be said for the eyesight of a sniper, after all… is laughing so hysterically that he hasn't breathed in during the last few moments of chaos, and he is turning quite purple. Wufei is yelping out curses and attempting to restrain the baggage, while yelling at Heero and Trowa.

"DO SOMETHING! WE'RE GOING TO CRASH!"

Trowa, one arm gripping the door handle, his long legs braced into the footboard, and more secure than anyone else in the car, looks at Heero. His other arm, which he would have used to comply with Wufei's order, is wound tightly across Heero's abdomen, anchoring the smaller pilot. Heero grunts, his teeth clattering together roughly as they hit another rut, and a scowl furrows his forehead.

With a purposeful grace, Heero leans forward, one hand extended towards the eight-legged menace. His fingers jerk and tremble, seeming almost to avoid the tiny creature despite the fact that Heero is reaching desperately towards it, face scrunched up with the effort of counteracting the jouncing so that he can reach his target.

After a few seconds of shifting and flailing, accompanied by injured grunts as the car jolts, causing Trowa's arm to press uncomfortably into his stomach, Heero reaches out with the surety of one who knows his mission will be accomplished successfully, and squishes the spider.

Or he would have.

At the last second, Quatre's flailing feet catch the gas pedal, sending them rocketing forward over another high rut and then catch the brake and jolting everything in the car towards the front. Heero's hand slams against the windshield, missing the little arachnid by a mere hairsbreadth, shaking its grip and causing the little creature to fly through the air, landing smack-dab in the middle of Quatre's pale pink shirt.

Instantly, Quatre screams, releasing the wheel and slapping desperately at his chest. The car spins and jerks randomly, slowly losing speed.

The tiny spider runs desperately down Quatre's body and dashes towards the handbrake in the center of the front seat, trying to escape being crushed.

As the car whips around in one final, bruising-rough half-circle, Heero jerks back out of his extended position and lets out a high-pitched scream that surpasses even Quatre's previous exhibition.

Duo stops laughing for a mere second, gaping in shock till a flying duffle slaps him in the face and breaks him out of it. Immediately he starts laughing again, even harder than before.

Trowa stares as Heero flails and kicks, struggling to be let loose as the car comes to a stop. Next to them, Quatre is similarly struggling against his seatbelt.

Wufei stops cursing and his eyes go wide along with his mouth. Then a heavy box that had been sitting up in the back window comes loose and hits him hard on the back of the head, crumpling him over onto Duo's heaving chest.

As soon as the car halts, both front doors fly open, and two figures take off like hell is on their heels, disappearing in opposite directions into the cornfield, and are lost from sight. Only the shrieking that is slowly fading away in either direction hints that they were even there to begin with.

Trowa blinks, head swinging slowly from left to right, glancing after both of his comrades, before he drops his gaze to the little spider sitting as still as possible up under the edge of the handbrake, trying to hide.

In the back, Wufei is sitting up, hand to his head, and a confused expression on his face. Duo has laughed all of his breath away and is shaking convulsively as he tries to continue without it.

"… what hit me?" Wufei asks blearily, probing at the back of his head. Duo, still laughing, waves at the metal box that contains several microchip components to a Gundam booster system… Sandrock's to be exact, pieces that Quatre had been working on in the living room of their old safe house when the word to relocate had arrived.

Blinking at it fuzzily, Wufei turns to glance at Trowa, and the otherwise empty front seat. Trowa is bending over the handbrake with a somewhat odd concentration, fingers edging delicately around the handle.

"I think I may have a concussion." Wufei states clearly.

"Symptoms?" Trowa asks distractedly, ducking his shoulders and tilting his head to better see what he is doing. Duo is slowly calming down, and manages to get a couple of gulping breaths in. He reaches up weakly and angles Wufei's head so he can get a glimpse of his irises through his own tear blurred eyes. Everything looks in working order…

"I seem to remember this accident happening because Winner was scared of a spider… and I think I saw Yuy scream like a little girl and bolt from the car." Wufei says, as if this explains the whole matter. Duo, who had finally stopped his hysterics, bursts out laughing again and quickly expels all the air he has managed to inhale, releasing Wufei's face and falling back again. Wufei blinks at him, and then looks back at Trowa, who is smiling faintly down at his hands.

Wufei watches in shock as Trowa coaxes a tiny spider out from the underside of the handbrake, and onto his long slender fingers. Then the tall pilot turns and gently deposits the traumatized thing into the dirt next to the car, where it scuttles off frantically. Wufei groans.

"Never mind…" Wufei moans, slumping down next to Duo's convulsing form. "Do you have any idea where Yuy and Winner have gone?"

"Not a clue." Trowa states, peering around serenely.

"Great…" Wufei sighs, and then jumps like someone has fired upon him as the car jerks. The rear left tire just exploded with a loud crack, sending the whole vehicle lurching to that side. Duo bursts out in renewed gales of laughter and Wufei half-glares at him, before turning his attention to the third pilot present and watching him crawl around in the front seat, messing with the sun visors and the cloth ceiling.

"We're going to miss our rendezvous." Wufei states as he shoves Duo over and makes himself more comfortable.

"Yes." Trowa answers.

"… not… my… fault…" Duo wheezes giddily between breaths. Wufei barks out a short laugh.

"No, not this time. Shouldn't someone go retrieve Yuy and Winner?" Wufei queries, rubbing his forehead.

"No. I'm sure they will return once they have calmed down." Trowa answers once more, seemingly transferring what resembles a bunch of tiny spiders from the driver's seat visor to the earth outside. Wufei decides not to ask.

"Fine. Wake me when they get back." And with that, he shoves Duo's limp and unresisting body around some more, kicking at bags until he has arranged the back seat to his liking, and can recline his upper body back without hindrance. Trowa smiles faintly as their Chinese pilot drops off into sleep immediately, Duo wheezing beside him with tears of mirth streaming down his heart shaped face.

Then he goes back to his relocation of the nest of tiny baby spiders that had been living behind Quatre's visor.

_Shouri: Yuppers! Heero is afraid of spiders in this fic! I just thought it would be too funny if the fearless Heero Yuy had a phobia for tiny, little eight-legged beasties. Oh, and in case you didn't make the connection, the noise Quatre heard from the back seat during the first spider incident was Heero as he reacted to Duo's proclamation. I hope you guys like. Let me know what you think! Review please! Tankiwa! Ja ne!_


	7. Epilogue: Forgetting One's Training

_Shouri: Heyla people! Oh My Kami, I am so sorry! I finished this the same night as the last chapter, but I decided to wait a day to post it... and look what happens! My old compy, poor ancient thing, has been working on and off for several months, and seeing as it has no floppy drive, and is lacking a burner, I have been desperately hand-typing all of my very first fics onto my current laptop... and it's taking a very long time, not that I care, I'm just happy to be saving some of my original fanfics, the ones I wrote when I was eleven or twelve... they may be a little simplistic... or different from what I write now, at least... but I don't want to lose them. Anyway, my compy decided to work again the next morning, and the next week was so hectic with trying to type everything off... which still isn't done btw, I still have about 200 pages worth of fics needing to be transferred... that I totally forgot to post this! I didn't even realize till I did a routine check of my account! Please forgive me! I hope this is okay. Everyone enjoy!_

**Epilogue: Forgetting One's Training**

Heero stares at his laptop with a wild look, absentmindedly picking a few overlooked twigs out of his messy brown hair. After a second or two, his look of resigned dread fades from his face, leaving behind a smooth, emotionless mask. Barring a few liberal scratches across his face and shoulders and a leaf pointing straight up out of his hair, which he seems to have missed for all his exploratory ruffling, he almost looks normal.

The screen glows a bluish white in the early predawn light, just enough to illuminate the tiny berth in which Heero is standing. His battered green backpack and an innocuous black duffle bag sit on the lower of the two cabin bunks. The door is a musty old sheet, moth-eaten at the edges and stained black with watermarks. His beloved laptop is taking up the only available surface other than the beds, the wide window ledge, which had been thick with dust prior to Heero's arrival.

In the background, the sound of splashing water can be heard from towards the back of the boat. Having been the one to replace the blown tire, and thus being liberally covered in mud, Wufei had claimed the right to wash up first. Towards the front, there is a cacophony of quiet clangs as Quatre makes tea and breakfast. Soft voices murmur as he and Trowa converse. Duo's voice has fallen silent during Heero's contemplation of the window.

Currently, Heero is splitting his time between glaring at the screen of his computer, and gazing out the window into the gray-touched world of the swamp on which their newest safe house is tethered. When he does look at the laptop, he glances away quickly, as if by not looking at it his problems will disappear.

Which, of course, isn't working. Glowering faintly, Heero drags a rickety stool over to the window and sits down, sharp Prussian eyes flicking over the words on the screen.

**From: J-Kami _at_ scientist . org **

**To: H-Wing _at _rampage . com **

**Subject: LATE!**

**01, I quite clearly stated that you were to check-in by 2123 hours last night. I received the all-clear no earlier than 0452 this morning! Explain yourself!**

**J**

Heero shudders as he reads the message again. Nothing has changed since he last read it.

'How on Earth am I going to…' Heero thinks, trying to ignore the imperceptible… to anyone but him anyway… sound of footsteps as someone with superb stealth skills pads softly past his 'door'. With swift fingers, he opens a reply e-mail and addresses it to his controller.

**From: H-Wing _at_ rampage . com**

** To: J-Kami _at _scientist . org**

**Subject: Detained**

**Sir…**

'No… to formal… he'll suspect something…'

delete delete delete

**J… **

'NO! Don't even address him! Treat it like a mission report!'

delete

…

'Let's see… we had to stop when Duo teased Quatre with a dead spider… no! He won't tolerate that!' Heero mentally groans, hands hovering over the keyboard. He pauses momentarily to look over his shoulder as he hears a soft snicker, checking for signs of Duo. Nothing is visible under the brief sheet, so he turns back to his task, fidgeting vaguely because his back is to the door, through which his braided partner could come at any moment to wreak havoc.

'Um… 04 crashed the car when the spider… no, I can't mention anything about spiders! I do **NOT** want a repeat of the last time I forgot my training… but what to do!' Heero looks around desperately for inspiration. Somewhere behind him the door that leads onto the deck creaks.

'I've got it!' Heero almost smiles, and starts typing.

**Relocation delayed by encounter with single hostile at approximately 1305. 02 removed the threat.**

**Thirty minute halt for 04 to regain composure, during which 01 replaced 02 as point. **

**Relocation resumed until approximately 1843, when convoy encountered a second hostile.**

**01 and 04 distracted by enemy, during which convoy was diverted into an agrarian habitat. Transport damaged during ensuing events. 01 and 04 separated from rest of team. 05 sustained mild head wound during vehicle crash. 02 incapacitated through lack of oxygen.**

**Nest of hostiles discovered during intervening time frame. 03 removed the threat. **

**Approximately 3.5 hours for 01 to reunite with team. 1 hour additional required for location of 04.**

**05 had by then repaired transport sufficient for travel. 0.5 hours required to ensure hostile extermination.**

**Relocation resumed. Remaining distance covered at better than calculated rate.**

**Arrived at destination at 0445.**

**Operative report at 0452. **

**End of Report. **

**01**

A sigh of relief escapes Heero's lips as he sits back to briefly reread his creation before sending it. The splashing noises behind him have ceased. Quatre's voice echoes quietly, calling out that breakfast is ready.

Suddenly, the peaceful morning is broken by a loud curse.

"KUSO! MAXWELL!" Wufei bellows from the washroom. Heero looks over his shoulder.

"Chang?" Trowa's smooth tenor queries as the tall pilot walks down the narrow hallway towards the back of the boat.

"Barton, kindly retrieve a spare set of clothing from my bag. Maxwell has removed my fresh set to god-knows-where…" Wufei huffs as Heero stands and goes to the door, ducking under the dirty sheet to look out.

Almost immediately he freezes, half caught between staring and smiling in mirth. After a few seconds, he settles on a vaguely amused face. He catches Trowa by the upper arm as he starts past to get to Wufei's bag.

"I wouldn't bother. Duo has been busy." Heero intones, nodding towards the window across from his room. Trowa turns to look, and then stares blankly.

Slowly he begins to laugh. Quatre comes out of the tiny kitchen, wiping his hands on a tattered old cloth. He too stares out the window, before blushing a brilliant crimson.

"Oh my…" Quatre whimpers, trying not to laugh. Heero smirks as Trowa starts to lean against the wall, laughing a little harder every time he glances out the window.

"What is taking so long!" Wufei's gruff tone draws attention momentarily to the Chinese pilot, who has emerged from the bathroom wrapped in what appears to be an old and tattered, but clean, sheet of a lilac hue. Trowa takes one look at him and laughs again. Wufei frowns.

"Has Barton gone mad?" He asks Heero, ostentatiously keeping his gaze off of the bright pink and snickering Arabian. Heero grunts, then motions towards the window.

Outside, several old boards have been drafted as makeshift signs, and are perched in various locations along the shore. One is even nestled in the crook of an old, bare tree. White chalk marks the boards, and all make the various announcements in different languages. Wufei gapes.

Strewn across the ground are all of his pants and shirts, interspersed with a few of Quatre's pink button downs and what looks like an older pair of Trowa's jeans. Every article of clothing he has is lain out in the dirt, save for his boxers, which are draped throughout the skeletal tree.

Wufei blushes a bright red, and takes several deep breaths.

'He is being amazingly calm about all this…' Heero muses, as Duo suddenly appears, prancing across the stretch of ground they can see from the door, wearing a crown of old ivy, and tossing more clothing around in with an almost elfish twirl in his step. The wide, mischievous grin on his face widens as he notices them all gaping at him, and he twirls prettily on his toes, before waving a pair of pink-dyed boxers at them. They appear to be Wufei's…

"MAXWELL!" Wufei shrieks, before tearing across the boat in his lilac sheet and slamming out the door.

'… or not.' Heero finishes the thought with a sigh. Quatre is trying vainly to look anywhere but out the window, where Wufei is chasing a laughing Duo, his sheet flapping almost forgotten as they stumble around on the soggy shore.

Duo knocks over a sign that reads 'Romantic Waterside Rendezvous'… Cheap!' and rounds the tree, causing the 'Bring Your Own Condoms, Gentlemen´ sign to tilt dangerously.

Wufei, hard on his heels, trips over a sign reading 'Available all days except Sunday… Sundays cost double!' in Spanish.

With an internal smirk, Heero turns and ducks back into his cabin, leaving Trowa to share his silent mirth with Quatre as Duo's catcalls and Wufei's angry cries float through the air.

'Well, at least the whole ordeal can finally die down now… I can't believe Duo let the whole… situation… go like this. I expected him to be teasing me for the rest of my life. Not that I'm not grateful, mind you!' Heero glances upwards in an almost whimsical manner, eyes sparkling in relief, before his gaze drops to his laptop, the message still glowing evilly from its screen. Heero cringes.

'I thought I sent that… no matter, I'll just send it now and…' Heero freezes, hand halfway to the keyboard, and his eyes widen. Seconds tick by tensely.

Something moves in the shadows of his screen, a thin streak of black inching over the back of his laptop and splaying crookedly onto his keys. A second dark shadow joins the first, and the two lines bend and tense, pulling a bulbous body into view. Eight glittering black eyes gleam menacingly up at him as the hairy menace settles in a crouch on his delete button. Heero feels all the breath in him rush out in terror, and a stab of panic twists his guts.

Nothing moves. Nothing…. Nothing…. Until the hairy beast jerks one of his foremost pairs of legs in a somewhat threatening manner.

Heero's eyes widen and he inhales a deep, gasping breath of air.

Panic-stricken and wearing the emotion on his sleeve, Heero whirls with all the grace of a terrified toddler seeking the comfort of his mother's apron, stumbling in ungainly haste over his bag, and nearly slamming shoulder first into the door frame. A piercing shriek of unmatched tone echoes through the boathouse and out across the swamp, startling all into silence and sending what few creatures there are around, into scurrying for cover.

"TROWA!"

___Shouri: Well, that's it for this particular episode. In case I haven't mentioned, thanks to Kei and Sai, who formed the basis of this story with their escapades involving the nest of spiders in Sai's car! And thanks very much to the reviewers! I appreciate it greatly! I will definitely take your suggestions into account for future writing! Even though this is done, feel free to review still, I need all the help I can get, and I'd really like to know what you guys liked and disliked! Tankiwa! Ja ne!_


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